what to say to someone who is in pain
Ever witnessed someone crying or grieving merely discover yourself natural language tied for words? It'southward easy to celebrate someone'south joy, but what most when someone is pain? Sometimes we discover ourselves caught in the situation where a friend breaks into tears and we don't know what to say, or what to practice.
Firstly, earlier we dive in, it is important to understand the goal of comforting someone:
The primary goal of comforting is ease someone'due south brunt and suffering by helping to lighten their load. At that place are also other related goals such as letting the other person know that nosotros care virtually them, or to let them know that you love them. Oft, nosotros also try to help the other person make sense of the situation or issue at hand, and to ameliorate understand their emotions (Lambert, 2019).
Now that we understand the goals of comforting someone, how do nosotros exist emotionally present and comfort someone who's hurting? This article seeks to provide some tips on how we can be meliorate listeners and larn how to condolement someone. Words are powerful tools and if used correctly, they can finer ease someone'south pain.
How do we comfort someone?
More than oftentimes than not, the most common scenario that people get stuck non knowing what to do or say is when a close friend starts crying. While there are tips on how we can provide emotional support and comfort to a friend or our partner, it is also important to notation that comfort looks dissimilar for anybody. What might work for your friend, might not work for your partner. According to McKay and McKay (2019) these are the few steps we tin take to condolement someone.
1. "Witness their feelings"
"I know that this is a difficult time for you, and I know that yous're hurting…"
"I hear you lot.. Information technology seems like you're upset because…"
To kickoff comforting someone, simply describe what y'all meet or experience. By recognizing what you witness and affirm them by rephrasing what they just told you lot, in order to prove and reaffirm them that yous hear them. It also helps you to analyze that yous are on the same page equally them and prevent chances of misinterpreting their situation.
2. Affirm that their feelings make sense
"Of course you lot're upset, I was honestly upset when … happened to me too."
To assert someone else's feelings, try to utilize the same emotion word they used at well (east.g disappointed, heartbroken, etc). Sometimes, past personal experiences allows us to show that we are able to relate. Nonetheless, be careful not to change the focus of the conversation to you, merely rather, share to show that you empathise. Avoid comparing your past experience with theirs, just focus on the other person's story.
3. Draw out their feelings inorder to better sympathise what they feel
"Tell me what happened… How did that make y'all feel?"
While some people do want advice or a solution to their problem, by and large, people just want to be heard. By asking how something made them feel, we want to elicit more than response from them. Information technology is not solely just near what they felt but information technology's how they felt that we can proceeds deeper insights to their earth. By request someone "how" instead of "what", this avoids existence defenseless in one-word replies. Even if you lot find yourself with a 1-word reply to "how did that make you lot feel", you would accept given the person more room to share if they wanted to.
Instead of jumping straight to a proposed solution, information technology is important to encounter that your job is non to talk, simply to become the other person to talk. Past verbalising what and why they are feeling down, can nosotros also ameliorate empathize their feelings. Avoid asking 'why' questions, as they might come across every bit being critical, rather than encourage the other person to better sympathize their suffering.
four. Don't minimize their pain or focus only on cheering them up
Your friend is not in the time to come, your friend is correct now in the pain. Testify up for them in the present
– Unknown
When the other person bursts into tears, information technology is natural for us to react with, "don't cry…", "you'll feel better", or "cheer upwardly". However, this is counter-intuitive, and might instead come up beyond as trying to trivialize what the other person is feeling. Instead, of brushing their feelings aside or focusing on how they volition feel amend in the time to come, evidence up for them in the present (Tartakovsky, 2018)
v. Offer physical affection if appropriate
Sometimes, people don't want to talk and don't desire you to talk either. Perhaps they might not be ready to share, but if information technology is appropriate, requite him/her a hug. These physical affections should generally match the level of amore y'all bear witness on a regular basis. If you've never hugged this person, then perhaps a hand on their shoulder would suffice, but if the person in your partner, a hug or a snuggle would exist appropriate.
6. Affirm your support and commitment
Letting your friend know that you do care about them and that yous're sorry for what they're going through is indeed important at that moment. While they might feel better after talking to yous, reaffirm your support and let them know that you are
If you discover yourself in the other position where your partner fails to comfort yous at the times yous need the most, there are some fashion to elicit emotional condolement from your partner. In other words, nosotros can help them help us.
References
Lambert, B. (2019, June 7). How to Comfort Someone Who Is Hurting. Retrieved from https://www.theemotionmachine.com/how-to-comfort-someone-who-is-pain/
McKay, K., & McKay, B. (2019, Dec 7). How to Comfort Someone Who's Lamentable/Crying. Retrieved from https://world wide web.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-comfort-someone-whos-sadcrying/
Shapiro, C. (2011, Oct 31). He But Doesn't Get How to Comfort Me! Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/when-youre-not-expecting/201110/he-just-doesnt-go-how-condolement-me
Tartakovsky, M. (2018, July viii). How to Sit with Someone Else's Pain. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-sit down-with-someone-elses-hurting/
Source: https://www.inpsychful.sg/how-do-we-comfort-someone/
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